I had felt a bit odd and as we’d been trying for another baby, I tried not to get too excited as previously I’d let excitement get the better of me and then disappointment made me miserable. But this month, I felt very different, very tired. I bought a pregnancy test, and could barely contain the nerves and excitement before I took the test. I tried not to look at the test until the “time was up” and when I did, there were two pink lines, it was positive.
I smiled, laughed, cried and then felt sheer panic which drove me to sob with hysteria. Sat on the edge of the bath sobbing, all sorts of thoughts rushed through my head, what if it goes wrong again? What if I have to have surgery again and then my chances of another baby are gone? Yes, I was hysterical, I looked in the mirror my face which was puffy from crying, and I told myself to “Stop it!” Taking myself to the kitchen I made a cup of tea and tried to think positive thoughts, I told Mr G and he reminded me that I needed to speak to the GP straight away. The GP was lovely, she spoke to me on the phone and explained she’d contact EPAU (Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit) to ensure they organised an early scan, but if I had any concerns please let her know.
The scan was arranged for 7 weeks, I am not going to lie, I found the wait to the scan stressful, every twinge or strange symptom made me worry. I tried to stay positive and surrounded myself with my closest friends, the ones who have known me for so long they can cope with some hysteria without pointing the finger and criticising my mental state. I felt horrific, nausea seemed to hit at random times of the day making eating a hit and miss operation, I found lots of things I usually love to eat I suddenly couldn’t stand. I felt exhausted all the time and headaches were horrid, but I reminded myself these were probably all “good things”.
The morning of the scan we dropped the boys with my parents and arrived a little early at the hospital. The EPAU receptionist recognised me and instantly I relaxed as she greeted me with so much warmth. The lady doing the scan had been the lady who had seen me through the ectopic which gave me a mix of feelings both positive as she recognised me and sadness as I remembered our last meeting. I shed a little tear as the scan showed a teeny tiny blob with a heart beat, and I even though I felt terribly sick, seeing that little blob being in the correct place suddenly the sickness didn’t seem quite so bad to live with! I carried away a tiny photo copied scan photo and a huge smile, though the knowledge we still need to get to the 12 week scan to be able to tell our families..
To be continued..