My 2013..

 I have to confess, I was reluctant to look back at 2013, it wasn’t a good year, it started with the grief from a December 2012 miscarriage, then half way through the year things took another depressing turn. 2013 has been difficult, but thanks to Kate (Kate On Thin Ice) I have managed to look back on the year, and managed to smile! Do feel free to join in and share your 2013 with us! x

My 2013:

1. What was your happiest event?

Our camping adventures! We had some real giggles, trying to pitch the tent on solid ground, being attacked by mozzies, torrential rain and soggy pyjamas!
 

2. What was the saddest thing to happen?

Having an ectopic pregnancy and the emergency surgery that followed, it made me sad as I knew something was wrong, but I had to argue to be listened to. A week of being told it was a miscarriage, then 3 days of backwards and forwards to the EPAU before being taken in to surgery. It makes me sad not just for the loss of the baby, but the loss of a part of me, and I’ve changed as a person to.

3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?

Erm.. our holiday, we didn’t think we could go anywhere other than for a day trip, but a bit of careful planning and agreeing to camping rather than a hotel stay and we found ourselves in S.W. France.

4. Who let you down?

I don’t want to name and shame, and they may well read the blog even though they claim not to. Anyway, they know who they are.

5. Who supported you?

My blogging buddies (thank you for all the support, I’m not always good at accepting help, but thank you to those who have been amazing during my dark hours), Mr G, Grandad G (although he probably doesn’t realise) and some very dear friends.

6. Tell us what you learned

You can’t control everything, however much you want to.
Grief does stupid things, but blaming yourself for everything isn’t the answer.
There is always someone worse off than you, but you are allowed to express your own grief.
 To be selfish sometimes, though watch out for the nasty greedy streak.
Don’t be afraid to say it as it is, and you can do that without being nasty.

7. Tell us what made you laugh

 Our holiday to France, the boys all on a see-saw and seeing their faces all light up!
Going for a seaside walk and getting drenched in a torrential rain shower which soaked us all to the bone, it was a laugh or cry moment!
My friend T, who just made me laugh out loud with her tales and ought really write a book about her neighbour.
Ani, who reminded me that once upon a time there were two girls with big hair and mutual love of Tice Bridal.

8. Tell us the things that made you cry

The ectopic, and all the fears that go along with it.
Feeling that I’m not as good a person as I could be.
Shouting at the children when I was post-op and not coping (but thinking I was).
An apology from someone who I never thought would apologise.
My friend losing her father.
 

9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud.

Both boys have been really good at donating their toys to charity, that made me proud that they are already generous of spirit.
Boo has tried really hard at school, and listened to us when we told him to stay out of trouble rather than retaliate against a boy who was “playing rough”.
Boo asking whether we’d be sending a box to Uganda again this Christmas, which we didn’t as I forgot, but instead we took things to the food bank.
When I came out of hospital, Boo saw me crying and crept quietly into me, he flung his arms around me and told me everything would be OK, that is perhaps my proudest and most poignant moment of 2013, what an amazing 5 year old I have.

10. Tell us the things that made you proud of yourself.

Not crying hysterically like I wanted to until after I came out of theatre and the morphine got the better of me.
Telling a person who has picked on me for years that to be honest perhaps it is them who is the problem and not me, life is suddenly simple as they are no longer in my life and I no longer feel like everything I do is wrong.
Other than that, not very much sadly!

11. Tell the challenges you overcame

Erm, I overcame my fear of hospitals, does that count?

12. Tell us the things you would like to change about your life in 2014,

I would like to be less anxious and therefore to be less self-critical
Smile more.. 🙂
Make time for friends.
Plan an adventure, life is all about the adventure, and I think I need a new challenge!

 Ms G x