28 weeks, I can barely believe it, after the previous losses I am almost prepared to admit that I may be holding a baby in my arms at the end of this. I am not going to lie, this pregnancy has been mentally quite tough, and I perhaps haven’t been very kind to myself. I’ve looked for reasons for previous losses, and all of the reasons (however daft) have pointed back to me, whether it be my weight, my inclination to drink quite a lot in my twenties or my stress levels. While I realise that I’m not to blame for things going wrong, it has taken me til now to accept that sometimes crap just happens, and no amount of me feeling bad about things is going to help.
I guess it doesn’t help that my midwife is not the most supportive woman in the world, she perceives me as an experience mother, who she just goes through the motions with. That’s lovely, but actually I’m looking for a little reassurance, and when I mention a previous traumatic birth, telling me “you’ve picked the WORST month to have a baby then haven’t you” isn’t exactly helpful. To be honest, I don’t think any month is a good month to have a baby, the hospitals are always understaffed and people are always having babies.. < I started to write quite a politically hinged arguement here, and have deleted it as that’s not for this blog at this time.. >
So, how am I feeling? Today I am shattered, I have been awake since 2.40am with my 3 yr old, who is now asleep on the floor.. I should have a nap myself but the 5 yr old doesn’t want me to as he doesn’t like being “alone” bless him. So I am sat armed with a fizzy orange drink and various foods to keep my fuelled for the time being.. This evening I am having an anti-d injection (given to rhesus negative pregnant ladies) after all the muddle with anti-bodies found in my booking bloods, it turns out that I don’t have anti-bodies anymore and I can have the anti-d. I have to be honest, the anti-d stings, I once made the mistake of letting them put it in the muscle in my arm instead of my bum..never ever again! It hurt so much I had to fight back tears! I think being tired isn’t going to help me to deal with the stinging today..and I fear I may cry just by being so tired. Actually, this week I have cried several times, mostly due to being tired and unable to do what I was trying to do, that and I seem to have encountered several idiots who seem to enjoy making life difficult!
Bump, I have started to count the kicks using a kick counter on my pregnancy app, baby seems to kick hugely around the time I want to go to bed, so I use the kick counter then, we seem to be getting 10 kicks in 3 or 4 minutes so all is well at the moment, and I do like the reassurance of baby moving, even though it is sometimes quite uncomfortable! My rain coat barely does up now, but I’m determined with 3months to go I’m now not going to replace it, so I hope that the weather dries up a bit, else I may be walking around with a soggy baby bump!
Ms G x