Tomorrow is my due date.. I am tired, I am huge, I am excited, I am torn between looking forward to baby arriving, and the fear surrounding the impending arrival. Babies don’t often arrive on their due date, so I am settled into the thought that we will be waiting a little while longer, I am determined to get all the boring little jobs done today, just in case.
I didn’t think I would make it this far into pregnancy, so I am thankful that my clever body is carrying our baby so successfully, and I am trying to think positively about still being pregnant, this might be my last pregnancy, I ought to enjoy it. Of course, I am uncomfortable and frustrated by struggling to waddle about, being tired, being irritable – I am very irritable – but it is a wonderful experience feeling movements and nurturing a little human, and one which I shouldn’t wish away.
I am afraid of baby going over due, and then the medical intervention to bring on labour – the induction. I have my reasons to be afraid based on my own experiences, and none of them relate to pain. I am not afraid of the pain, I am afraid of being vulnerable, I am afraid of being in a position where someone else has to make decisions on my behalf, where I am not being listened to. Yes, I want to be listened to, I want to feel as though I do have a say, even if in reality I don’t have much of a say at all. I know it’s all about the healthy arrival of baby, and my own safety to, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to feel as though I am being allowed to feel listened to. My midwife has been so supportive, as has my lovely childhood friend who herself is a midwife, they have told me to express my concerns, and focus on the fact that it is unlikely they will attempt to induce me until well after my due date. I have been given options, I am being given choices, and all the while I am sat hopefully thinking that baby may arrive without any assistance.
Keeping busy, I am intending to do all the washing, cleaning, and daft jobs I will not want to do once a newborn arrives. I don’t want to get over tired, but if I just sit here, I will get bored!