Why calling someone a Mr Man is a bad idea..

So I’ve learnt many things over the past 12 months. But possibly one of the best, and certainly the funniest, is why you should never refer to anyone as a Mr Man character. Oh, and especially not if they’re a perfect stranger.

Let me explain..

I had a chance meeting with a stranger when he came to buy a bit of a boat. He was a tall, athletic looking man. We ended up talking for rather a long time. While chatting he mentioned he had injured his shoulder. I cringed as he explained and he laughed as I recoiled.

Now, boat man, looked rather like someone I knew at University, called Greg – so let’s call him Greg. And perhaps this is where things began to go wrong? It is always awkward when people you’ve just met remind you of people you actually know. (Or is that just me?!) Anyway, he left and I thought no more of it.

A week went by and while trying to empty the garage (unsuccessfully I should add.. )I discovered a bit of boat that went with what Greg had purchased. So I sent him a message, as I didn’t want a random bit of boat and it seemed a bit silly to throw it in the bin. A response came, “brilliant but I can’t get down until the end of the week”. I replied, then sort of forgot about it. Hey.. I was busy focusing on holiday plans.

Distracted..

The weekend comes and my phone rings. It’s Greg wanting to collect the boat accessories. Unfortunately for him I’m standing in the road by my car, lost in Berkshire trying to make my sat nav work. It is not working and I genuinely fear I am going to be lost forever. The “diversion” has taken me to a town about 20 miles from where I am meant to be.

But, rather than just saying that.. (if nothing else it may have caused amusement) I listen as he reels off his entire plans for the weekend as we try to arrange collection. However, I am going on holiday..and not really wanting to tell Greg (aka perfect stranger) that I am about to leave on holiday, I struggle to think how to phrase “no I’ve got a two hour window in which you can collect”..

Falling off..

So, there I am, lost in Berkshire but in holiday mode..  and somehow I mention paddle boarding (perfectly reasonable for someone about to spend two weeks at the coast i think?) and he replies that being so tall is a problem as he just falls off a paddle board all the time. I’m starting to laugh (and think seriously Greg you’re not that tall..) I mean, it’s a funny image to me as he looked like he would be a pro at most sports. The call ends and I’m  suppressing laughter. And frankly I was by now getting the urge to throw my sat nav into a field and needed to focus on finding my way out of Berkshire. (Not that Berkshire isn’t lovely, but I was getting hungry.)

I finally get home 2 hours later than intended.  Tired and grumpy, I trip over the step and as a result manage to injure myself. I spend the following day googling “is my arm broken”. And decide that No, it is not broken. But it is horribly bruised and I just want to hold it very still. So, I message Greg explaining my arm is injured and I’m off on holiday so would he mind waiting for the boat accessories. He replies kindly saying he hopes my arm is ok and I respond in a witty manner. That’s where my wittiness should have ended.

But no.

Greg then sent a message explaining about an incident when he had last been in France and how he had no idea what “wasp” was in French. (Greg, for the record wasp in French is – Guêpe). And at this point..my sense of humour took over.

The scene.

I am now on holiday. It’s  been a long day, my arm aches, I’ve been at the beach all day. I am sat in 35c heat having drunk a fair amount of very lovely white wine and not having eaten much dinner. So, when this message from Greg arrives I am highly amused. The idea of this stranger having told me about all these random unfortunate incidents amuses me. So.. I sent the most inappropriate message ever..

“Crikey..I shall now on refer to you as Mr Bump..”

I had pressed send and hadn’t even thought about it. It was funny, every aspect of communication with this chap had involved discussion of one injury or another. A walking accident.. Mr Bump.. But anyway..

It wasn’t until I had been home a week that I realised my sense of humour may have accidentally offended. Though, it was well meaning, and was not meant to cause offence, perhaps Greg had never come across Mr Bump before? Maybe he doesn’t actually know who the Mr Men are?! PERHAPS he assumed it was some sort of weird innuendo?! Like 50 shades of Grey but with bandages?!

Well Greg, I’m sorry, I shall never refer to you as Mr Bump again and if you haven’t tripped over or gotten a splinter, could you possibly collected those boat bits soon?

V

 

To be continued…

 

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